how can you put the spark back in your relationship?
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Although every relationship is different, some frequent indicators of a stale relationship can begin to develop such as feelings of isolation or loneliness, an unfulfilling connection, a lack of communication, unproductive routines, and festering disputes.

Once these obstacles have formed, it takes time and effort to bridge or overcome them. They will not go away if they are ignored or left alone.

Here are some things you may do to revitalise your relationship and discover how to reconnect with the person you fell in love with a long time ago.

Start the conversation

Almost every choice in a relationship is discussed, such as where to have meals that week, which school to send the kids to, how much to save, and where to go on vacation. You go through everything, pros and disadvantages, likes and dislikes.

However, there is rarely a conversation about sex. And studies indicate that couples who don’t discuss sex don’t have sex. So start the conversation, put your phones aside, turn off the TV, and prepare for some questions and answers.

Get curious and ask questions, such as:

  • What were you taught about sex?
  • Who taught you about sex?
  • How do you know what you want in sex?
  • What does sex mean to you?
  • Do you have anything kinky you want to try?

Being open to chatting and laughing develops closeness.

The phrase “date night” is often and casually used in relationships. Couples are always urged to schedule regular date evenings and to dress up for them. And, while it’s a great thing to do together, it’s worthless if your relationship lacks genuine connection. Which is exactly what is missing in many couples with little to no sex – the connection.

Some couples are so estranged that they don’t know where to begin, and a “date night” becomes a burden. Plan deliberate time together instead. Make a note of it on your calendar, arrange for a babysitter, and first discuss and agree on ground rules. ‘We won’t talk finances/kids/family tonight,’ for example, and stick to it.

Leave notes around

Stay spontaneous by leaving genuine notes for them to find while they go about their daily routine, whether it’s slipping a note in your partner’s pocket to read before a big presentation or pasting one on the bathroom mirror to start his or her morning.

Spending the additional effort to hand write the messages will impact your lover and spark your passion in a technology-driven culture.

Reconnect with each other

The two most fundamental parts of a healthy sexual life are communication and connection.

Studies show that talking about sex more often boosted orgasm frequency in women and increased relationship and sexual satisfaction in both sexes. Sounds like a win-win situation.

Lack of sex frequently manifests as one partner yearning for greater contact, closeness, and the other partner thinking, ‘what’s the big deal, it’s just sex.’

But for the one who craves greater physical contact, it’s about feeling connected, loved, and wanted, and that’s a big deal. When this detachment occurs, intimacy is thrown out the window.

We must not only understand our own style of connecting with our relationship, but we must also become experts in our partner’s manner of connecting with us – it’s a two-way street.

If you’re with someone who wants more contact, more sex, don’t reject it as “just sex, like scratching an itch,” since sex is a powerful method of connecting and bonding with someone you care about.

When you discover your partner’s preferred method of interacting with you and make an attempt to adjust, the outcomes will speak for themselves.

Put yourself in your partner’s shoes

It is a well-kept secret that guys too suffer from low libido; in fact, this is our worst-kept secret. According to one study, 15.2 percent of males self-reported not having sex in the previous year, while more than eight percent of men in the same survey had not had sex in five years or more.

Another survey claims that around 16% of partnerships in the United States are sexless. And, while it’s rarely spoken, whoever in your partnership doesn’t enjoy sex sets the sexual agenda.

So, if one is OK with the dry spell, the other might as well take a cold shower because it isn’t going to happen. Now is the time to shift the narrative in your relationship. Whether you desire the sex or not, try to envision what your partner is thinking, experiencing, or going through and be there for them. It’s another step towards reconnection.

Explore each other

If you haven’t seen each other naked in a while, now is the time to do it. Touch allows us to reconnect with one another.

People would rather discuss the best day to put their garbage out than what they want from sex. And it is this distance, these miscommunications, that can be difficult to overcome. Bodies change throughout time, and you must learn to develop together as a relationship.

It might take a long time to feel comfortable with your body again following an event such as the birth of a. Slowing down might be an excellent approach to reconnect sexually.

Remove the pressure that it will lead to sex; it is merely exploration. Dim the lights if necessary, put your phones on mute, wait for the kids to be gone or sleeping in bed, and reconnect yourself with your body. Tell your lover how you feel about their appearance.

Test new positions or try new sex toys

A new position isn’t always comfortable, but with some communication it can be a great way to explore each others bodies in a different way. 

Try standing up—you’ll touch places you don’t usually have access to, she says. Or how about a super effective trick: Put a pillow under your butt, the angle helps with deeper penetration.

Communicate with one another and talk about things you’d like to try. Maybe introducing new positions or talk about introducing sex toys could help add a spark to your relationships. You might find new ways to connect intimately and sexually in ways you never thought of.

Surprise one another

Sending a bouquet of flowers to a loved one is a classic romantic deed for a reason: it’s classy, thoughtful, and looks beautiful on the dining room table. Along with flowers, you may surprise your lover with concert tickets or a clean bathroom. Finally, you know what your spouse enjoys the most, and it’s time to express it.

Unplug from your devices

Our phones are both our best friends and our worst enemies when it comes to engaging with our real-life companions. Nothing is more impersonal than talking your significant other about your day and having them answer by sometimes looking up from their phone.

To prevent this, make it a mission to disconnect from electronics when spending personal time together. Even though this appears to be a minor activity, it will rekindle the great connection that you may have believed was disappearing.

Revisit the places you both used to love

You can’t live in the past, but you may pretend like it. Rewind the clock by dressing up for meals and going to a restaurant as if you’re on your first date. If you want something more informal, go for a trek on the route you used to run before life became so crazy. Revisiting a location that has meaning for your relationship can not only bring back memories of the past, but will also remind you that same sentiments are still there now.

Get intimate again

It is true that actions speak louder than words. To relive the honeymoon phase with your lover, find methods to touch your significant other throughout the day.

By sharing personal moments with your partner, such as holding hands while going up the driveway or snuggling while chatting in bed, you will reaffirm how you feel and be loved in return. You could even plan a stay at home date night to start the spark!


Reconnecting takes time and effort, but if you are truly committed to each other it is well worth it. Sometimes getting additional help can make a big difference, but often it is simply about communicating better with one another in a respectful way.

About Post Author

Gesten van der Post

Is he the Keyser Soze of the content writing world? Maybe. Gesten writes for a variety of online magazines and several businesses too.
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By Gesten van der Post

Is he the Keyser Soze of the content writing world? Maybe. Gesten writes for a variety of online magazines and several businesses too.

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