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When it comes to a big night out, London is without a doubt one of the world’s best cities for nightlife. But sometimes we just wanna experience a sleazy night out. So, how can you get the biggest bang for your night out?
You might be on a stag or hen do, or maybe just looking to let your hair down. Maybe you love the thrill of the sleazy side of a night out, and maybe even you’re looking to get lucky.
Sleazy night out? But, are u gonna bang doe?
Anyways – here’s how we go sleazy in London town.
Soho
OK, look. Soho is nuuuuthing like it was back in the day. But you can still kick your night off in a sleazy style right here. To be honest if you’re gay or LGBTQ you’re gonna seriously love it here. You’ve got all the gay bars, Heaven and all that – so if that’s your game then you’re gonna totally slam it here. And yes, you probably are gonna bang doe.
For those of you interested in the opposite sex, there is still plenty to get down with.
Our favourite bar for a seriously sleazy night out in London is Zoo Bar, which is touristy as fuck but also a solid choice when it comes to guys and gals who just wanna get down. Tiger Tiger also works, but it’s a bit, I dunno, not sleazy enough for my liking. It just seems like everyone is taking themselves too seriously.
As for strip clubs, yeah there are plenty here.
Are these the best strip clubs in London though? Actually, I’m not so sure. Yes you’ve got Platinum Lace, the infamous Stringfellows and bars like Sophisticats and Sunset Strip. But to be honest these are fairly generic strip clubs with not much to keep your attention (aside from expensive entry and the standard £20 lapdance).
Actually, I think the best strip clubs are in the East End… Talking of which…
Shoreditch and the East End
Shit gets crazy round these ends on a Friday and Saturday night, but you knew that. First up, we’ll stay with the strip bar theme and one of the best in London is right here…
The Horns (Old Street). It’s a pound in the pint glass from every punter for the stage show (which happens every 10-15 mins – bring a pocketful of pound coins if you’re staying for a while), plus the girls are gorgeous and the dances are worth the £20.
Down the road there is also Browns (1 Hackney Road), and if you can be arsed to trek to Bethnal Green then you’ve also got Metropolis. Between these you’ve easily got some of the best strip clubs in London.
OK, so you’re not up for strip clubs but want a night of sleazy dancing in a low grade nightclub. Yup, it’s right here…
Pretty much anywhere on Shoreditch High Street, Brick Lane or Old Street is gonna hold the potential for a night of debauchery and sleazy sleaze. Which is lovely. Our personal faves? Actually, I’m not sure but I’m pretty sure I’ve had some fun in Rolling Stock, The Old Blue Last, Jaguar Shoes and Cargo.
Actually, in the East End area, follow your nose and you’re gonna end up in a sleazy bar…
Camden
Has Camden become a pastiche of itself? Yeah maybe but there is still plenty of sleazy fun to be had here.
To be honest, you’re not gonna find strip clubs or whatever. But you are gonna find dive bars and lively pubs. We liked the Camden Assembly which was a lot of fun, mostly full of up for it tourists. The Camden down by Mornington Crescent was also a lot of fun, and to be fair most of the pubs along the high street are full of people up for a laugh. It’s generally quite a good vibe in Camden, but not so sure this qualifies as a sleazy night out…
South of the river
Wanna get sleazy without heading into town? (Assuming you live in south). Clapham is probably one of the easiest places to get a sleazy cheesy night out – and how. Yes, you might turn your nose up at Clarrrmm (and more fool you) but there is some epic party here. Inferno’s is the very definition of a sleazy nightclub, with shit music, sticky floors and people basically humping in the queue for the toilets.
Gone midnight and didn’t pull? Trek to the Swan in Stockwell and basically cop off with any number of drunken estate agents and media interns.
Sounds awful? Well yeah… But it’s fucking loads of fun.
Casinos and gambling
If you wanna go for the high roller vibe – if you can call it that – there is always enjoying a fun night at the casino. Obviously you don’t go in expecting to roll out quids in, quite the opposite in fact. But as part of a sleazy night out, the casino can be a fun way to kick off proceedings.
By which I mean don’t end the night blind drunk at the casino. You’d might as well just withdraw all the money from your bank account and chuck it into the air in Leicester Sqauare.
Anyway, start the night sober (or at most one drink down) and head to the Hippodrome opposite Leicester Square tube, or Genting Casino in Chinatown. Or checkout The Sportsman by Marble Arch for a nice way to kick off your big night out in central.
Getting laid in London?
Any good sleazy night out will hopefully result in some getting lucky, am I right? Of course there are plenty of apps you can use such as Tinder, Bumble, eHarmony and more to find yourself a hookup. And of course it helps to know how to ask for a hookup.
Our favourite spots for finding willing partners to take home for the night from a bar or club are Shoreditch, Clapham and Camden. Of course it does help if you’ve got a venue close to home (yours or theirs) so the Uber ride isn’t too awks.
Got any suggestions for a good sleazy night out in London? Share em down there!
